


Wild Lillies Also Have a Spring

by Kuroneko



Series: Wild Lillies Also Have a Spring [1]
Category: Shinhwa
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 21:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5064193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroneko/pseuds/Kuroneko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...Do you know that I love you, miss you, blame you, think of you<br/>The deep affection will never change<br/>Could it be that you never look back and think about yesterday's promise?<br/>Even though you linger upon the tender and beautiful daffodils that bloom on the water's surface<br/>Please don’t forget that in the lonely corner of the valley Wild lilies also have their spring..."<br/>/Luo Dayou - Wild Lillies Also Have a Spring/<br/> <br/>Prequel: Once Definitely<br/>Sequel: Nightingale</p><p> <br/>(Originally posted on AFF: Apr 20, 2015)<br/>(I'm not a native speaker, please bear in mind)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wild Lillies Also Have a Spring

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: sexual content, angst (if you want some fluff or happiness, this is not your story xD)  
> The title itself and the quote that's written in the description box is a song originally sang by Luo Dayou (if I'm informed well), however, I love the most the version Zhoumi sang in Immorital Songs. You can listen to it here. (I encourage you to do so, he sang it beautifully.^^<3)  
> I've heard this song quite a while back and since then this story had been on my mind (probably around or more than half a year xD). I've tried to bring the song into the story without forcing it too much, though I'm not sure if I've succeeded, but I felt like I had to write something for this song.  
> About the wild lily of the valley, I've read that it signifies the return of happiness, also, wikipedia said there is a legend that "tells of the affection of a lily of the valley for a nightingale that did not come back to the woods until the flower bloomed in May ". (so heartbreaking and beautiful and romantic oh god)  
> In my story (and if my interpretation is right in the song song as well), the nightingale (Eric) left for the daffodil (fiancée) which bloomed earlier probably, however, the lily of the valley (Hyesung) will also have a spring, it will also bloom when it's time comes... and happiness will return - let's hope together with the nightingale.  
> Anyway, I think everyone has different interpretation, so it's okay if you think otherwise.  
> This is just my thinking and my way of bringing the song into a story.^^ and my way of being totally all over this romantic thingy xDD  
> My explanation ends here~  
> Enjoy yourselves~

The assembled people were wavering together as a huge mass wearing their best clothes, gleaming like the ocean when the sun rays reach the surface showing the most beautiful sight one can see in their lifetime.

The excitement was tactile in the air, everyone wore their brightest and happiest smile while some were talking to each other mostly about the event they had assembled for and its main protagonists.

Others were just admiring the huge hall and the beautiful decoration it was dressed into. It was the best of bests, the most professional organizers were working on this ‘project’ for months to find the perfect flowers, food and for everything to work well from the beginning to the end.

The results were breathtaking: the hall became a one piece monumental gleaming diamond, with some white as the snow and a touch of red. The place was filled with the fragrance of the red roses and the white lilies warmed the heart of both men and women as they were chatting among them.

Everyone seemed to be completely satisfied, everyone seemed to be cheerful and could not wait for the main protagonists to finally appear. Only the smile of the people was brighter than the hall itself, but among the blissful expressions there was only one that did not gleam as he ran his eyes through the crowd.

Even though he tried hard to lift the corners of his mouth, even though he tried to act as lively as everyone else his eyes revealed his inner feelings. His eyes could not act and with that could not hide the pain, the suffering he experienced for months now, but among all the days he spent hitting the wall in his miserable state… this was far the worst.

Just how could this day be the happiest – He replied in his head to someone he did not even know grabbing him and almost yelling in excitement ‘the happiest day, the happiest day’. He did not know this person, but he surely doubted this was the most pleasant day he could ever have.

It was more like the most torturing.

But he had to be there, after all he was a  _friend_ , he was a  _member_ …

And nothing more than that.

He took a deep breath to try and bring some air into his lungs, but it was impossible. That sudden came lump in his throat did not let him breath, did not let him calm himself and he had no way to stop that maddening piercing pain in his eyes. His mouth turned into one thin line

“Hyung, are you okay?”

Hyesung was shaken by the sudden came voice from behind his back. He immediately gulped to make the lump disappear, but even like this it was still there not leaving him ever. With his hand he wiped his eyes and turned to Junjin with a bright smile, almost giggling.

“Woah, Jin-ah, this is awesome. It’s like an Orange Ocean during our concerts… well of course without the orange.”

Junjin looked at him with an accusing expression, but Hyesung did his very best not to reveal his true feelings, but in the end he realized there was just no use, after all Junjin not just knew even his deepest feelings, but also knew about what was going on with him and a certain person.

The lump in his throat seemed to grow bigger becoming even more unbearable, his own feelings were strangling him. He tried to continue talking, but he was scared he would not be able to without his voice sounding weird so in the end he decided to remain silent and turn his view back to the crowd.

“Hyung…”

Hyesung reached out to Junjin, put his hand above his shoulder, pulled him close to himself and on a weak voice, smiling he said: “Let’s look for the others and sit down for now.”

And they did like this having Hyesung’s arm still over Junjin’s shoulder and not because he just felt like doing that, but he was scared without a support he won’t be able to take even a step, he was scared he would simply collapse in the middle of the huge hall.

They sat down to a table, there were the other members as well – Dongwan, Minwoo, Andy… only one person was missing and Hyesung bitterly smirked to himself. Of course Eric was missing, he was one of the main protagonists of the event out of the two.

It was Eric’s wedding.

He felt like as if his heart was grabbed by an invisible person and he tightly clenched his hand around it by the thought of Eric getting married that day – the thought of how he is going to loose him forever in a few minutes. It was an unbearable feeling and he wished he could just stand up and leave, but that was not possible. He promised himself he is going to see off Eric, he promised himself he is going to finish everything that day, he is going to seal his feelings and give up completely.

He promised this and not only to himself, but to Eric as well.

 

It all happened the previous night when they held Eric’s stag party. Originally Hyesung did not want to attend, actually he just wanted to come up with some cheap excuse and stay home crying his heart out just like he did for half a year now, ever since Eric had told him in that restaurant he was going to get married– the restaurant that made him have such high hopes, but in the end he was slammed into the ground from the heaven.

But in the end he made up his mind, he could not actually miss this important event of Eric’s life. Because despite Hyesung’s feelings that were like acid for his heart, in the first instance Eric was his friend for long-long years now, they were members in the same group, he could not possibly escape this, he had to be there.

Friends’ task is to be there at ‘important life events’ and Hyesung was definitely Eric’s friend. No matter how much he wanted to be more than that and for a bit he actually thought he really was more, but it was all in his head...

In the end he attended the stag party and acted as if he was having a good time and just drowned his sadness into alcohol. He drank a lot, way more than the actual celebrated person himself and other times he would have actually felt embarrassed over it, but this time he did not care and continued drinking despite the others’ begging for him to stop now, because it’s going to be too much.

But why is that when he wanted to he just couldn’t get drunk properly no matter how much alcohol he poured into himself? Other times he would have already passed out, but now… all he felt was the numbness, the painful numbness.

Instead, he just acted as if he was dead drunk and it was hard for him to cover his happiness, when Minwoo suddenly said around 3 am, ‘let’s stop now, we should put Jung Pilgyo into bed, too, he is so out of it…’.

At the parking lot once their drivers had arrived, they decided for Eric to leave with Hyesung, after all they lived the closest to each other. None of them mind it, especially Hyesung whom had realized this was probably the last time he could spend time with Eric this way – before he gives up on him, before Eric was his in a way.

He wanted to make the most out of it, he wanted to stay with him for as long as possible, he wanted to… feel his touch again one last time before he threw away his love for him.

His heart skipped a beat as Eric put his arm around his waist and slowly lead him to his car and helped him get into it. Hyesung was fine… more or less. He might have felt slightly light-headed – as they left the bar they were drinking at he slowly started to feel the effect of the amount of the alcohol he consumed -, but he could walk. Still, it did not stop him from leaning onto Eric, letting him hold him, letting him touch him… it made his heart feel alive, something that did not happen for long months now.

During the time they arrived to their apartment complex Hyesung was leaning his head onto Eric’s shoulder, his knee touching Eric’s, his arm embracing Eric’s… and he just closed his eyes and smiled…

He felt at ease, he felt happy… and he knew it will never happen again after that night.

Once they arrived to their apartment complex Hyesung felt as if a dream bubble had been popped out and once again he was thrown back into reality. That familiar pain in his heart appeared again taking over the place of those blissful feelings he had while sitting in the car being warmed up by Eric’s body, his closeness.

Eric got out of the car first, paid the driver whom left immediately. Then he opened the door of the car on Hyesung’s side and said, “We are here… Are you okay? Can you get out?”

“I don’t want to…” Hyesung shook his head.

“What?”

“I don’t want to get out yet…” He mumbled again and he heard Eric letting out a huge, troubled sigh.

“Let’s just get out, hm? You need to sleep. Do you feel sick?” He asked, grabbed his arm and wanted to pull him out, but instead Hyesung moved away, grabbed Eric’s wrist and pulled him back into the car instead.

“I’m alright.” He replied, looking straight into his eyes. “I’m fine. I’m not drunk.”

Eric acted surprised, but Hyesung he felt that Eric actually knew about it, but he decided to go along with his play.

They were sitting in the car for long minutes, both in silence, none of them said anything – they knew what the other was thinking about without words and an unpleasant, dark fog had fallen onto them. However, Hyesung did not let go of Eric’s wrist and that warmness he felt was more painful than ever and he could not hold back himself anymore.

“You are going to get married… tomorrow.” Hyesung mumbled and he did not have to look at Eric to know he nodded. “Marriage… something you had always wanted…”

“Hyesung-ah…”

Hyesung interrupted him, strengthened his grip around his wrist, looked into his eyes and on a trembling voice, he continued, “From tomorrow, everything is going to change… you are going to be far from me, out of my world… that’s why…” He gulped. “One last time… please… just one last time, take me… my body…”

Eric snapped, “Stop saying such things, Jung Pilgyo, I’m going to get married tomorrow, how could you even think about such things…”

“That’s why, exactly because you are getting married tomorrow!” Hyesung burst into tears, his voice turned shaky, inaudible. The feelings strangling him till now had finally escaped. “I’m so desperate here, don’t you see?” He had a hard time to breath, he was wheezing. “I… this is my last chance! I want to let you go, but I can’t… so easily… You don’t understand… I feel like I was thrown into hell, you don’t understand these feelings I have to live with day by day… you… don’t…” Hyesung looked up at Eric, he let go of his wrist and instead touched his cheek. “I love you… all this time… always… I’ve been loving you so much I’ve thought my heart is going to burst out…” He leaned his head onto Eric’s shoulder, he could not stop his tears flowing. “I love you, but I know it’s impossible… that’s why… I’m going to give you up, I’m going to send you off with a smile… I promise… but please, I’m begging you, just one last time, please, make me yours… one last time… if I have to remember something, I want it to be that and not the pain I have to feel… please… please…”

His whole body was trembling from the sobbing he was trying to hold back with all his might. He let go of Eric’s cheek and instead grabbed his shoulder while burying his face into his chest. He tried to hide his tears, while he listened to Eric’s rapid heart-beating – his heart that matched Hyesung’s.

Those minutes lasted for years or so that’s how it felt by the time Eric gave him his answer.

“I understand.” He mumbled not looking at Hyesung and while the singer’s heart felt like as if it grew wings, at the same time, at that place… in the car…

Hyesung knew he just died a little.

 

Hyesung felt like as if his skin was being ripped apart as Eric touched and kissed him all over, all the familiar places he visited so many times before. Feeling Eric’s body heat all over himself again was the most pleasant thing he could feel and at the same time the worst, the most painful and he felt damned and miserable. And he liked it, he liked it so much, after all even if he felt miserable he was with Eric and he thought if he was with him nothing had mattered anymore…

Hyesung thought crying would burst out of him again when Eric kissed him for the first time ever since they said their goodbye to each other in that restaurant. He had already forgotten the sensation as the leader’s lips touched his skin and sucked on it, as his tongue had his way to Hyesung’s wrapping it into a poisonous hug.

His whole body was tingling and was hot from only Eric’s deadly kisses, he felt like his limbs were melting away and all the heat his body produced was gathered in one point, in his crotch. He felt extremely hot, he was already hard, his underwear felt unpleasantly small and he could not wait for Eric to finally take it off of him.

However, he was still enjoying himself with Hyesung’s neck gently sucking and biting it, while his hands were roaming around his body, stroking it, playing with his nipples, rubbing his thigh and butt, his painfully hard manhood through his pants.

Eric spread Hyesung’s legs and positioned himself between them before tucking up his shirt to his neck and moving his lips to his erect nipples he had been spoiling till now with his fingers. This time, however, he licked and sucked on them, while he slid his hand into Hyesung’s pants, firmly grabbed his butt and started to massage it, matching his moves with the sucking of his nipples.

However, soon he broke his lips away and kissed his skin, sliding down to his abdomen and with a move he pulled off Hyesung’s pants and underwear, revealing his hard-rock erection.

Eric’s touched his manhood making a few strokes, while still not moving his other hand from Hyesung’s butt, which he slightly parted and made his way towards his entrance, pushing his fingers to it, doing painfully slow circling moves.

Hyesung gasped for air, while letting out louder and louder moans… Eric surely knew what made Hyesung loose his mind, he knew every tiny details of him that caused the biggest pleasure, that made him go crazy… Only he knew all of this, no one else.

Eric broke his lips away from Hyesung’s abdomen and moved to his cock, licked the tip then slid down to his testicles, sucked on them then still not taking off his lips he slid back to the tip of Hyesung’s cock, took it into his mouth and started to circle around it with his tongue before he took the whole thing in…

“Ahhh!” Hyesung cried out as Eric pulled back then swallowed his cock again, moving his head rhythmically, making Hyesung melt only from this.

In the meantime, with his hand that had been massaging Hyesung’s entrance, he reached for the lube bottle he had prepared beforehand, put some on his hand and on Hyesung’s entrance and while still sucking on his cock he slowly entered him with one finger.

Hyesung’s whole body tensed up for the moment from the familiar feeling he did not experience for a while now, but by the time Eric put in two fingers he was already used to it and caused by the pleasure by both Eric’s powerful sucking, fingering and scissoring he started to move his hips against Eric’s fingers, having his loud moaning fill the leader’s bedroom.

“Eric-ah…” Hyesung sighed. “I…ah… want you…hahh… your… nghh…”

Eric straightened up and wiped off the saliva from the corner of his mouth, still fingering him he moved back to Hyesung’s lips and kissed him again, tangling his tongue with his. Then he pulled his fingers out, sat down for a moment to take off his shirt, then he unbuttoned his jeans and pushed it down to his knees together with his underwear. He was hard as well and when Hyesung saw Eric’s painfully throbbing erection he could not hold back his smile, he was happy he was still able to excite Eric to this extent.

Eric put a condom on his cock, then some lube on it and to Hyesung’s entrance, positioned himself and slowly entered Hyesung.

“Ah… hahh…nghh…” Hyesung moaned from the sudden came hot sensation and the feeling of his insides expanding from Eric’s manhood.

For a few moments Eric stayed still, then he slowly started to move, pushed into him then pulled out, repeating this movement over and over again, making Hyesung cry out from the continues penetrating. Eric again pushed deep into him, hitting that spot of Hyesung’s which for a moment made him see stars. He pulled back again, then hit that spot again and again, making Hyesung’s moans fill the whole room.

“Hahhh… ahh….kkhhh…”

He started to rock into him with slow thrusts, however, soon his movements became faster and faster, his lips parted and let out low moans mixing with Hyesung’s loud cries as both of them got closer and closer to climax.

Hyesung did not want this moment to end, he did not want Eric to let go of him, he did not want to loose him. He wanted this night to last forever, he wanted Eric to only hug him until the rest of their lives, he wanted nothing else.

But he knew it was impossible, he remembered his promise and his cries turned into inaudible sobbing as he reached the climax…

 

Hyesung did not stay the night. As soon as Eric fell asleep next to him, he put on his clothes and left the leader’s place almost running – out of desperation. He knew if he stayed he would not be able to let go of Eric, he knew he would try to convince him that marriage was wrong and he should choose him instead.

But Hyesung knew that as well, choosing him would have been the wrong option here, not marrying the lady Eric choose to spend his life with. He had to leave or else he would have said or done something stupid and he would not be able to keep his promise. The promise of shutting off his feelings forever and sending off Eric with honest, happy feelings.

He had nothing else after all, what else could have he done than being happy for his friend? Hyesung had no place in Eric’s heart, he choose someone else and left him for good. He knew this and so, he had no choice but to disappear or at least destroy these feelings he held for him.

Once he stepped through his door he finally gave in to that strangling feeling in his throat, he let loose his pain and collapsing on the floor he started to sob, weep, leaning his head onto his pulled up knees, trembling in his whole body from the unbearable misery that suddenly escaped from his heart making him feel numb.

He was sitting on the floor leaning against the floor for about half an hour, only after such long time he felt the energy to be able to stand up and drag himself to the bathroom to have a shower and wash off Eric’s scent and sweat, his touch, his kisses which he felt even that time.

He took off his clothes, which were once removed already by Eric and by the thought, as he remembered everything that happened between them, all the moves and the kisses and Eric’s throbbing manhood in him, he felt a warm feeling appearing in his crotch which became unbearably hot. He thought his body will calm down once he stood under the showerhead, but his body did not seem to calm down even after it was flooded by ice cold water, nay, the memories of Eric’s body against his became more and more vivid, causing his cock getting erect again, painfully hard, pre-cum leaking from the tip.

Biting his lip he touched himself, slowly stroked it then faster and faster letting out loud, but unsatisfied moans, it was not enough.

His memories were torturing him, suddenly all their times together attacked his mind, he was reliving every moment and groaned from the pain, because his desire couldn’t be satisfied. He was moving his hand wildly on his cock, while with his other hand he reached to his butt and entered himself with his fingers, trying to reach that spot that gave him pleasure, making scissoring moves while he was rocking into his palm like a madman as if there was no tomorrow.

But this time, too, when he climaxed the only thing he felt was the painful hollowness and anguish instead of satisfaction…

He collapsed onto the floor tired, being showered by cold water. He thought he should turn it into warm or else he would catch a cold, but he did not have the energy or the will to move. He was tired, so tired both physically and mentally. He did not cry anymore, his tears dried up completely, the place of grief and pain was taken over by anger.

He was angry at Eric, he was furious. Why he could not choose him? Why? What was so good about that woman? What made Hyesung any worse than her? Why did he leave him, why didn’t he come back to him? Why did this happen?

They were so happy together. True, they did not agree on anything, they never said they were dating, they only had fun with each other, still, they were happy. Just what changed? Or was it just Hyesung all along whom felt this way?

Hyesung was full of questions and he was furious for not receiving a reply to any of these.

He blamed Eric for breaking that happiness they had, he blamed him for making him feel so miserable, for killing his love so cruelly. He hated him, but at the same time he could not stop thinking about him, he could not stop loving him.

However, he promised he is going to give up on him, he promised he will stop feeling this way, he had decided to do this that night when Eric told him he was dating a woman and he is planning on marrying her. He promised this about 1-2 hours ago in the car when he finally confessed his feelings to Eric…

He buried his face into his palms… just how exactly was he going to do that…

He spent that day sleeping or staring at the ceiling being tortured by his own thoughts, while he was trying to prepare himself mentally for the marriage ceremony…

 

And now, he was sitting there among the crowd, among the members waiting for the ceremony to start with a pounding heart. His limbs, his whole body felt heavy, he had a hard time to breath and he felt like his chest was going to be ripped apart by each heartbeat.

However, he smiled. He was prepared to let go, just as he promised.

He wanted to let go, he did not want to suffer from these feelings anymore. He was thinking of his promise and he was sure Eric did not really think too much of it, still, he wanted to keep it. He did not want Eric to feel bad about his confession the previous day, he did not want him to feel guilty, honestly, he did not want him to feel anything about the matter.

He choose that girl. He choose to marry and spend the rest of his life with that woman, he choose to shut Hyesung out of his life. And he respected this decision of his.

And so, he decided not to linger upon these painful feelings anymore, because he knew he will never have a chance. Eric found his own happiness in someone else and so, Hyesung was not required to stay around anymore. He was left behind, lonely in his heart, in his own little valley that got it’s warmth from only Eric and no one else.

He was pained, the utter loneliness had fallen onto his shoulders like heavy rocks, but he knew he is going to find his own happiness.

The happiness, which did not have Eric in it.

Though, he kind of knew his feelings will never change completely, but they might turn bearable by time.

But that did not mean he won’t find his happiness or a new love.

He decided to move on, because all Eric could see was his fiancé and no one else, Hyesung had no place anymore. And he decided to stop waiting.

He knew his time will come as well… Not with Eric, but with someone else, but it will definitely come… his spring…

 

The ceremony had started. Both the bride and the groom had entered the hall and Hyesung could not hold back himself from being amazed. The bride was truly beautiful, while Eric looked more handsome than ever and as he watched them he had to admit they suited each other and this made a bitter taste appear in his mouth. However, he swallowed it, and instead he clapped with honest happiness when they kissed each other to stamp their marriage.  
Hyesung waved off the images of the kisses he exchanged with Eric, stood up and smiling widely he followed the members to congratulate the now married couple.

Eric and the girl were literally glowing with happiness and this light hurt Hyesung’s eyes, still, he bore with the feeling, stepped to the woman and holding her hands with his he said, “Congratulations, I’m really happy for you. You are so beautiful, I swear, this man do not deserve you!”

The woman thanked him blushing, then Hyesung let go of her hands and stepped to Eric. He wore an uncertain expression, his eyes were telling how he remembered the previous night and everything Hyesung had told him. He did not want him to remember, he wanted him to forget everything, the only thing he wanted him to remember was the promise Hyesung made to him, nothing else.

He choose to act as if nothing had happened. Not only the previous day, but he acted as if the time they spent together in each others’ arms was only a bad dream that never was reality.

He wrapped his arms around Eric’s neck and hugged him as tight as he could, while whispering into his ear, “Congratulations, Eric-ah… I’m really, really happy for you and I hope everything will turn out well. Do not fuck this up, you hear me? You two are a real match. Take care of her.”

He pulled back and saw Eric being both surprised and relieved. That’s it, that’s what Hyesung wanted to see and he thought his job there had ended. He broke off whatever they had completely, there was nothing else anymore except for his lingering feelings still needed to shut off.

By a sudden urge he turned to the woman and while grinning he winked at her, “Sister-in-law… thank you for taking off the weight of our shoulders of taking care of this useless bastard… you have no idea how relieved we are!” Hyesung said happily, while sending stinging gazes towards Eric and his annoyed expression gave him a weird, satisfying feeling. “Take care of him well though, he really can’t live alone...” He finished his speech and the bride nodded smiling.

There was nothing else for him to do anymore.

He had nothing anymore, except for waiting for his own time to finally arrive… and ease this tingling pain in his chest…

It was still the time for the winter brought by Eric’s leaving, but he knew even in his lonely heart his spring will come as well…


End file.
